losing motivation

The ‘its not as much fun anymore’ is happening to me.   I don’t know why.  Once I dreamed of making photography my profession/career.  To be paid FT to shoot and document.  I envied those that did and do. 

I can’t say that I haven’t scored paying gigs.  I’ve been fortunate have been published in a couple of things.  I don’t know if the self critical aspects are killing me or not.  Its like I’m looking over my work and then I feel it all sucks.   I don’t think I’m a bad photographer – or at least I hope not – but I look out there and see so many other amazing photographs and it kinda gets me down.

I start doubting my work and then it seems like this spiral downward.  I find that I come up with my best stuff when I’m not under pressure to perform.  Relaxed and calm, taking my time.  I dont think I can keep up with technical aspects while trying to maintain the creative edge.

Seems like one or the other.  Technically correct (exposures, clarity, blah blah blah) or for sake of getting the image go with asthetics and risk blowing highlights and being technically wrong.  I know rules are meant to be broken… but I can’t seem to shake the ‘its wrong’ mentality.

I’ve been forcing myself to review so/so mediocre photos and trying to ‘see’ them in a different light.  Maybe a different PPing application to bring it to life.  I’ve done ok so far I think.  It’s making me see things in another aspect.

I’ve also been trying to come up with other ideas, something to keep me motivated.  Different projects, the photo a day thing or something.

I’m starting to wonder if meshing the love of photography with the idea of being paid is ruining the whole experience for me.   I notice that when I see my work in print – I’m not too keen on it because I find flaws.  Perhaps seeing it in print is what’s adding pressure – trying to ensure I present the best work possible. 

I don’t know.  I just know that I’m not ‘feeling’ it like I once did.  Maybe the new year will shed some light and I can regain the love of photography like I once felt.

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